My life in a poem "Perspective"

A father should teach his daughter how to be loved correctly by a man, to be respected, and be protected. 

Instead I was rejected, my life affected by a man, 

I was neglected, and misdirected. 

I probably never understand how you could look in a mirror 

and call yourself a man. 

I know it may seem as if I'm living in the past,

but all the times I reached out to you slipped right through my grasp. I was always jealous of other kids, they grew up 

and had their dads love and attention, 

which is the love I dreamed of 

but I never seemed to reflect it. 

You say you love me, but I wonder what it's like if you hated me. You don't even know who I am, and your the one who created me. 

I know now that I'm older, I'm much stronger from the pain, 

but how can I not help to wonder

who's blood is running through my veins. 

Not knowing what to say to you if we would ever meet again

its a vicious cycle and sadly its going to repeat again. 

I'm definitely grown now, my heart is like a stone

and feelings are a danger zone. 

I was setup for failure, 

those who don't know me think I'm another stereo type, 

another number in the system, 

a fatherless face, all cause I searched for love,

but I was in the wrong place. 

Can you blame me? 

Can you judge me for not knowing where to look? 

I can't search it on the Internet, I can't read it in a book,

this is a problem and its about time that we addressed it. 

You still don't even realize it

after all these kids you where blessed with. 

I try to let it go but I can't help but to express it,

it's a hard pill to swallow but it's about time that you ingest it. 

You were supposed to set a standard 

on how I should of been treated, 

but you left me as a bastard, I feel like I was cheated. 

My mind swirls of memorable mistakes repeated, 

you know you hurt me, you deserted me, 

you know you ain't deserve me. 

Sometime I wish my mom would have aborted me,

I'm similar to you, but there is so much more 

to me than the eye can see. 

Growing up with an alcoholic father was the hardest thing for me, believing that you would change, 

but look at you, have you changed?. 

Can't you see we need a father, 

except you must have forgotten you are a father! 

You know the other half to complete me!. 

You had other things to worry about 

cause you missed my life completely, 

being mistreated became something that I was used to,

now I completely shut out everything I'm introduced to.

From a girl I became a woman with shame, 

you could never understand the struggles 

I eventually overcame. 

Realizing why my mom never spoke down upon your name, 

sadly cause she knew I would only be the same, 

but I saw and lived it all, 

"Don't worry dad, I will never break down my wall". 

Although my older sister don't remember, 

how can I forget a life filled of displeasure. 

I struggled as a teen with drugs, sexual abuse, depression, 

suicide attempts, and much more. 

I guess you can see why I'm kind of numb and emotionless,

but this is my life so I'll try to make the most of it. 

I guess everybody looses, but a girl needs her dad, 

well at least that's what I thought would make me glad. 

I'm one of many girls who grew up with daddy issues,

I don't even know who you are anymore 

but subconsciously I miss you. 

Would you be happy if I ended up with a man just like you? 

or if your son grew up to hate and completely dislike you? 

or worse become an identical replica of you?

Your many absences speak in volume 

and say so much about you, 

but your kids will be somebody with or with out you. 

I mean, how can you care for some kids that you hardly even know? A dad is supposed to be a person who is our superhero. 

I guess you'll never know when a boy first made me cry 

or when I enjoyed looking up at the blue sky 

or when I flew my first kite

or when I was learning to drive. 

Why didn't you teach me the things I needed to survive?

You should have been there to tell me I'm beautiful and perfect, 

but obviously your daughters they just weren't worth it. 

You can't get the moments back when I was an innocent child, 

you can't ride me on your shoulders, you can't make up for lost time. So all the wishing is useless, 

don't you think your child is tired of hearing the same old excuses.

It seems everything else comes first and your kids just come last, 

but I guess that's what happens when you abuse alcohol dad!, 

I'll just leave that in the past. 

I didn't even do this to try to make you feel bad, 

just to make you realize that you are someone's dad. 

I can no longer pretend I remain unaffected,

you made some mistakes and they remain uncorrected,

this may come about totally unexpected 

but you need to see things from your daughters perspective.

Rest in Paradise Daddy, I love You to infinity and beyond!